


Porn Star

by Neliore



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: 5+1 Things, ASoIaF Kink Meme, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Anal Sex, F/M, Homophobic Language, M/M, Masturbation, Oral Sex, Porn Watching, missunderstanding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-14
Updated: 2014-04-24
Packaged: 2018-01-19 08:55:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 11,257
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1463305
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Neliore/pseuds/Neliore
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>People find out Theon Greyjoy is a porn star, a really fucking good one. Or, five times guys saw Theon Greyjoy's porn movie and one time it was a girl.<br/>Chapter 1 is Robert Baratheon.<br/>Chapter 2 is Jon Snow.<br/>Chapter 3 is Ned Stark.<br/>Chapter 4 is Balon Greyjoy.<br/>Chapter 5 is Robb Stark.<br/>Chapter 6 is Asha Greyjoy.<br/>Chapter 7, epilogue, is the twink himself - Theon fucking Greyjoy</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Let Them Eat Twinkies!

**Author's Note:**

> This was written for the ASOIAF kink meme prompt:
> 
> Someone "accidentally" found themselves watching some pretty decent gay porn done but some actually really hot guys. Whilst taking care of the weirdest boner of their life, the watcher has a shocking realization- that really cute twink is Theon fuckin' Greyjoy>
> 
> Bonus if it's Asha with a horrific incestuous ladyboner

Robert Baratheon was not only getting hungry but also bored out of his wits. He had been waiting for almost half an hour now. Renly said he'd be back real soon and that Robert is to feel at home while he's gone. And, of course, Robert understood that his brother had to go and help his stupid boyfriend who managed to lose his car keys while shopping for some cheese and was now locked out of his car.

''Why doesn't he get a cab?'' he asked.

But Renly scoffed. ''It's raining, Robert. When was the last time you tried to catch a cab in the rain? Do you know how fucking impossible that is in this town? I have to go pick him up, but we'll be back soon, you just relax here, do whatever you want.''

So Robert relaxed, got himself some wine from the fridge (Reny did not have any beer) and sat on the sofa to wait for Renly and Loras to come and make this stupid dinner. They could be quite annoying with their constant displays of attention, but Robert loved his little brother so he never really minded these Baratheon brothers dinners that Renly was so adamant on having every month. He knew Stannis would also be coming later and, while he never really loved Stannis and his sour moods, he was happy to see again how uncomfortable Stannis was around Renly and Loras. That was actually the only time he wished his little brother and that little Tyrell boy would grope and fondle more than usual. Hell, he would even see them fuck, just to watch Stannis go mad. Besides, the Tyrell boy was okay really, so Robert, unlike Stannis, approved.

When the doorbell rang, Robert cursed under his breath. He knew it was Stannis - Renly and Loras had keys to their own apartment and would not be ringing the doorbell. He still hoped, in vain, that they might have lost them, as he went to open the door. He really wasn't crazy about spending time alone with his sour and serious brother.

''Robert.'' Stannis nodded as Robert let him in.

He explained quickly that the boys will be back soon and went to sit on a sofa grabbing the remote. _Better to watch TV while waiting. That way at least I don't have to pretend I am uncomfortable for not talking to him._ Stannis sat next to him. He must prefer the company of TV to that of his brother as well. They sat in silence as Robert was trying to work the remote. It was some fancy home entertainment system, bloody home theatre, and Robert shouted triumphantly when he managed to turn it on.

The huge plasma screen lit up and both Stannis and Robert gasped when they were treated to an image of a huge cock, all red and throbbing.

''Turn that filth off!'' Stannis shouted. And Robert would have, if he was alone, but the opportunity to torment his stuck-up brother was too good to pass. 

''Oh, loosen up, Stannis. There's nothing on TV anyway. Besides, it's not like you haven't seen a dick before.''

The owner of that huge cock was now smiling from the TV screen and there was another body next to him, slender and smooth. He said: ''Oh, baby, I am going to fuck your sweet little ass now, and you're gonna love it so much. My cock will rip you in two and then you'll suck it clean like a good little cock-sucker.'' The smooth slender body also had a pretty little ass, all pert and cute, and that ass offered itself to the monster cock without any reservations, as it slid inside spreading it. The sweet slender thing moaned and wiggled a bit. ''Oh, yes, fuck me, yes, just like that.''

Stannis was glaring at Robert. ''Turn it _off!_ ''

''Stannis, is this about you having problems accepting our brother for who he is?'' Robert doubted he had ever enjoyed a porn movie as much as he was going to enjoy this one, for reasons completely different to the reasons why people usually enjoy watching porn. He was even hoping that Renly and Loras take their time, drive carefully because of the rain, or pull over somewhere and fuck a little, just so that he could taunt Stannis with this movie for a while longer. Besides, that slender little thing (he still couldn't see his face) was real cute.

''Our _brother_ has to grow out of this... phase, and get serious. Life is not about fun. And _you!_ You are being too permissive with him, always have been. And that is exactly why he's... the way he is.'' Stannis was fuming.

Robert was wondering if he was so angry because of Renly or because he was, also, getting hard. Robert himself was, surprisingly so. Rock fucking hard. _Damn, that cutie takes it up the ass so bloody well!_ _Unlike any woman I have ever fucked._

''Oh, come on Stannis, Renly is a good boy. And so is that boyfriend of his. I am quite happy with the choice our little brother has made. He had, at least, chosen pretty. Unlike some other people I know.'' Damn, he will have to go use the toilet as soon as Renly and Loras are back.

Stannis seemed really offended. ''What is that supposed to mean?''

Robert chuckled. ''It means I would also rather fuck the Tyrell boy over your wife.'' _If he takes it up the ass half as well as this precious little fuck on the screen I can totally understand Renly._

Stannis growled: ''You are just as degenerate as he is.''

That pissed Robert off, and he also couldn't restrain himself anymore, so it was only natural for him to take his cock out. He will get off not only on that gorgeous little thing being ass-fucked, but also on aggravating Stannis - double the pleasure. He started wanking as Stannis stared in disbelief. ''You are disgusting!''

''Oh, just fuck off, Stannis! I am fucking sick of your righteous attitude. Don't tell me you're not getting hard from watching this. You see how that cock is destroying that guy? And how he loves it? This is the best ass-fuck I've seen in my life.''

And it really was, the big guy was pounding so hard, it was fucking brutal, but the cutie was not only taking it well, he was fucking ecstatic about it, lifting his hips up, rolling them around, making these unbelievably sweet horny sounds. You wouldn't get a boner watching this only if you were dead. And even then you still might, it was that good.

Stannis said: ''I will not talk to you while you're ... indecent.''

''For the better! I fucking love the sounds this guy makes.'' Robert was palming himself committedly, not taking his eyes off the screen.

That cute little thing was young, his skin was so smooth and white, the big guy was actually leaving bruises touching him. But he liked it, oh yes, he liked being fucked like that, rough and hard. His body was lean, not too muscled, he was slender and beautiful. Robert could see his hair was dark, _oh he must be a heart-breaker!_ He was wiggling enthusiastically, moaning words of encouragement, begging to be fucked even harder. And the big guy fucked him. Real. Fucking. Hard.

Robert was getting close. He could see Stannis, from the corner of his eye, staring at his shoes, mouth shut tight, grinding his stupid teeth. He didn't care. That movie was awesome, he might even consider asking Renly to make him a copy. The big guy on screen was also about to come, his fucking was now so wild, so Robert also sped up his strokes, squeezing his cock harder.

Then the big guy pulled out and roughly grabbed the cutie by the hair turning him around, and the cutie opened his mouth readily. Oh, he sure was a pretty little thing! But so familiar. Was he in some other porn Robert might have watched? He must have been, the boy was so talented. And if he fucked better than anyone Robert has ever seen, he deserved a fucking medal for cock-sucking. How he slurped and licked and sucked, so greedily. Robert knew he would explode any second now, and he hoped he might even spray Stannis with his cum. That would be fantastic! So he turned slightly to the left, not really aiming, but simply making it more possible. How pissed off Stannis will be! Oh if he could get him in his stupid sour face.

The little twink was still sucking the big guy, and just as he raised his pretty eyes to the camera, two things hit Robert at the same time. First was a realization that the pretty little fuck was none other than Theon fucking Greyjoy, Ned Stark's kid's best fucking friend, Balon Greyjoy's fucking son, Robert knew him since he was a child. The second thing that hit him was an orgasm of such gigantic power that almost threw him off the sofa.

''You disgusting bastard!'' Stannis screamed, and for a moment Robert panicked that he too had realized who it was that made Robert come so hard, but then he was relieved to see that Stannis was never really watching the movie, he had no idea. _Oh good!_ He was livid about Robert's cum all over his shirt and chin. Stannis stormed to the bathroom and Robert slumped back to the sofa, turned off the TV and laughed out loud.


	2. Twinker Twinker Little Star

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 2 is Jon Snow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Of course I had to put Satin here too :)

''Oh, baby, I couldn't wait for you to get back! You _have_ to see something.'' Satin jumped to Jon's arms and was all over him the very second he showed up through the door. 

Jon dropped his keys to the floor and groped his boyfriend's cute ass, pulling his body further onto himself, whispering through the kisses: ''I missed you, sexy.''

He did miss him so much. He spent the weekend fishing with his father and his brothers, and if at first he was slightly upset that Satin wouldn't join them (he thought it must be the most boring thing in the world and would rather stay in town), later he realized it might have even been for the better. The two of them were so horny all the time, it would be hell trying to restrain themselves in that little cottage the Starks had on the shore, and while his family was okay with him being gay and they all really liked Satin, Jon would feel utterly uncomfortable having sex in that wooden little joke of a house, where everyone could hear everyone else fucking _breathe._ Not to mention that there was nowhere near enough rooms there and Jon always shared the room with Robb. That also meant he didn't even masturbate in those three days he spent away from Satin. Just one look at that pretty little thing would have been enough to make him hard, and now he was all over him, shamelessly pushing himself against Jon's crotch, licking his face and neck, moaning at his touch and Jon thought he would burst right then and there without ever even _touching_ his cock.

He unbuttoned his trousers and guided Satin's hand inside his pants, Satin grinned at his hardness. Jon whispered: ''I also have something _you_ have to see.''

''I'm sure you do.'' Satin smiled. His hand travelled bit further down and cupped Jon's balls. Jon moaned and Satin started going down on his knees. He gave the balls another light squeeze and said with a look of mock concern on his face: ''Poor baby. So full.''

''Well, it's been three days, what did you expect? Aaaah, yes, baby, come on, suck me.''

Satin tugged at Jon's pants and trousers, pulling them down. Jon's cock almost slapped him in the face upon being released from its confinement. Satin giggled. ''You're telling me you didn't wank not even once? Did you not think of me at all?''

''I thought of you all the time, but I shared the room with Robb, I couldn't jerk off. Please, Satin, suck me. Now.''

Satin took him in his mouth, and all it took was just a minute or so of his wonderful and skilled attention for Jon to come so hard Satin nearly choked on his seed as it filled his mouth and spurted down his throat.

He gulped it all down and said: ''Now, you _have_ to see this. Come!'' And he pulled Jon by the hand into their living room.

Jon, still slightly dazed from his orgasm, fell to the sofa and looked at Satin with fond amusement, wondering what it was that his boyfriend wanted to show him so much. Satin was going through some DVDs and Jon licked his lips appreciating the view of the beautiful slender body bent over, his gorgeous ass stuck out - gods, noone ever wore skinny jeans better than Satin. He knew he'd be hard again within minutes.

''So, there's this video, Loras made me a copy, and you will not believe how good this guy is!''

''Loras made you a copy?''

''Yes, it is the best fucking porn I've seen in my life!''

''Hm? Is it? What's it about?''

''Jon, it's a _porn_ movie. It's about fucking.''

Jon had to laugh at that, but he still smacked Satin's butt and drew him onto his lap, kissing the back of his neck affectionately. ''I meant, what is it that that guy does that I _have_ to see?''

Satin smiled, squirming in his lap a bit too deliberately. ''He fucks so well, you cannot even _begin_ to imagine. And he is a fucking expert cock-sucker!''

Jon raised his eyebrow. ''Yeah? Better than you?''

Satin turned around on top of him, straddling his hips. He gave Jon such a lascivious look that his cock soared up again, then he teased Jon's lips with his tongue and whispered: ''Oh, baby, no one's better than me. You know that.''

Jon raised his hips forcefully, grabbing Satin's ass with one hand, while the other was pulling those skinny jeans down, he couldn't wait to fuck him senseless. But Satin wiggled out of Jon's arms, sat next to him, played the movie and said again: ''Wait, first you have to see this.''

''Oh, Satiiin,'' Jon growled in exasperation. 

But Satin was unmoved. ''Oh, poor Jon, horrible mean Satin is making him watch the best porn movie in history, poor poor Jon.''

Jon laughed again. ''Okay, play the goddamned movie, but I will _ruin_ you after it's done.''

''After this, I expect nothing less, but watch now.''

And there it was, a really big throbbing cock, all over their screen, ready to fuck some slender and lean thing with a really cute ass. The cock's owner said: ''Oh, baby, I am going to fuck your sweet little ass now, and you're gonna love it so much. My cock will rip you in two and then you'll suck it clean like a good little cock-sucker.'' And the cock went in, spreading the cute little ass to the point of tearing, it was really big, but the ass wiggled with pleasure and its owner said: ''Oh, yes, fuck me, yes, just like that.''

Jon liked seeing a good porn movie now and then, but Satin was _obsessed_ with porn. He was into everything, it seemed, much to Jon's delight, and was constantly showing Jon this new book, or that new movie, or some really cool and dirty drawings, and his enthusiasm for everything porn was contagious. But Jon had never seen him excited that much about a porn movie before, and he quickly understood why. This really was very, _very_ good. The big cock guy was ok, real decent hard fucking, not so unusual in gay porn, but the little twink, he was awesome. Jon had never seen anyone take it up the ass so well. Okay, Satin does take it fantastically, he's fucking _unmatched_ in ass-fucking, but Jon's cock was normal size, and this big guy was monster-huge, and despite his complete and never-ending trust in Satin's abilities he still doubted _anyone_ could endure a cock that big fucking so hard, and on top of it also be so euphoric about it. That twink deserved a fucking medal!

''Where in the seven hells did Loras find this?'' Jon asked.

Satin smiled knowingly. ''See? I told you it was good.''

''This is fucking great! The best porn movie I've seen. That twink is brilliant!''

Satin smiled again. ''He is, I told you that you _had_ to see it.''

Jon stood up and pulled Satin off the sofa. He kissed him passionately, sucking at his lower lip, then pushed him down on his knees. ''Come on, baby, open your mouth, I want to fuck it while I watch this.''

Satin went down, but looked at Jon's eyes all coy and worried. ''Will you still be able to _ruin_ me afterwards? You promised.''

''Oh, don't worry, sweetheart, I'll fuck you all night so hard, you'll beg me to stop.'' Jon assured him.

Satin chuckled. ''I'd never!'' and opened his mouth readily.

Jon pushed his cock inside, slowly at first, savouring the warmth and wetness. Satin flicked his tongue a few times along his length and Jon had to force himself not to close his eyes in pleasure, because he also wanted to watch the movie. Jon started thrusting a bit faster. He grabbed Satin by the neck, holding his head in place as he fucked that pretty mouth. The guys on screen were still fucking. The big guy was merciless, and that cute bottom seemed to be in heaven - he was making all these hot noises, begging to be fucked harder, if harder than that was at all possible. But harder than how Jon was now fucking Satin's mouth _was_ indeed possible so Jon intensified his thrusting, never taking his eyes off the screen.

At one moment, the cute twink shifted a bit and Jon saw he had a tattoo of a kraken on the left side of his ribcage. He snorted. ''I know a guy with the exact same tattoo. He'll die when I show him this video.''

Jon was getting close, as was the big cock guy on the screen. Jon was squeezing Satin's head so hard now, pulling it even further onto his cock, fucking his mouth harder and faster, but he still watched the movie all the while. The big guy pulled out and roughly grabbed the cutie by the hair turning him around to ram that monstrous cock now down his throat. Jon shuddered at that image and he could not restrain himself anymore. He exploded in Satin's mouth just as that cute twink looked up at the camera. Jon screamed both for his orgasm and for the shock that hit him at that moment: ''Theon fucking Greyjoy!!??!!''

Satin flinched at that, stood up and pushed Jon so hard he fell down to the sofa. He spat a mouthful of Jon's sperm straight to Jon's face. ''Did you just scream someone else's name while filling _my_ mouth with your cum?''

 _Oh shit!_ Jon wiped his face and looked at flustered and angry Satin glaring at him. ''Baby, it's not what you think. That was Theon Greyjoy. That guy I know, the one I said had the same tattoo, my brother's best friend.'' 

Satin wasn't really listening. He was hurt as hell. ''I don't care whose stupid name it was. You are such a prick, Jon.'' 

He was going to cry, Jon saw it, so he reached to caress him, to comfort him, to explain this stupid mess, but Satin recoiled. ''Don't you fucking touch me! You fucking bastard!'' And he stormed to their bedroom slamming the door shut behind him.

''Satin, please let me explain.'' Jon went to knock on the bedroom door.

''Satin, come on, open the door, I'll explain what happened. You know I'd never do such a thing. I love you, baby, please open the door. Please?'' Jon could hear him crying inside. _Oh stupid Theon Greyjoy! How much I fucking hate him!_

''Baby? Please open the door.''

_This was the worst movie I have ever seen in my life. And I am so showing it to everyone. This is all stupid Greyjoy's fault. He will regret this. So. Fucking. Much._

''Baby? Satin? Please?''

The lock on the door clicked, so Jon took a deep breath and went slowly inside. He had a lot of explaining to do. This was going to be a very long night.


	3. Don't Twink and Drive

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 3 is Ned Stark

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thought this would be better if told through Catelyn's POV. I hope you, dear nice people who read, like, leave comments and kudos, will agree with me :)

''Cat?''

''Yes, my love?''

''Did you leave a CD and a note for me in my car?''

What was Ned going on about? Catelyn sat on a bar stool in their kitchen and lit a cigarette. ''No. What kind of a note?'' She could hear her husband's breathing through the phone, but when she heard him start up the engine she said: ''Oh, Ned, I hate it when you're on the phone while driving. Call me back once you arrive.'' And she hung up.

She sat in the kitchen and smoked. She could hear Rickon's cartoons playing in their living room, and she smiled to hear him laugh at something he saw. Oh, what could it be Ned was talking about?

He had went to Jon and Satin's place to feed their cat while they were away. They have decided abruptly they would go for a two weeks' holiday to Bali, only a few days after the boys had returned from their fishing trip. They must have splashed quite a lot of money for that holiday, but Jon had a really good job and could definitely afford it. Though it would be wiser to save for something rather than spend so much on extravagant holidays, it was none of her business, so she said nothing. Besides, Jon was not her son, so she didn't really care that much. True, she tolerated him as best she could, but still, she could never really warm up to him. She was so happy when he moved out, and their relationship took a turn to the better once he was no longer living with them. Now Catelyn was even relatively nice to him.

Her phone rang again, it was Ned. She picked it up. ''Yes, Ned? Have you arrived already?''

''Yes, there was no heavy traffic. This cat of theirs is _feral._ It scratched me. It guards this place better than a watch dog.''

Catelyn smiled. Ned was a dog person, she knew. ''So, what was this note you asked me about?''

''Well, it's a... CD, and then a little typed note saying _You have to see this, please watch till the end._ ''

''So what is it? Have you seen it?'' She was really curious.

''No, I'll watch it when I get home.'' Ned seemed not overly interested in what it might be.

But Catelyn was as curious as a, well, cat, really. ''Oh, you can't watch it here, Rickon will never let you anywhere near the TV, he's on a roll today.''

''Well then I'll see it tomorrow, it doesn't matter.''

Catelyn just _had to_ know what it was. ''Why don't you watch it there at Jon's? They're not there anyway.''

''Oh, Cat, I just wish to get out of here and away from this damned cat as soon as I can.''

But she would have none of that. ''Oh, for god's sake, are you telling me that a cat makes Ned Stark tremble in his boots? Don't be a baby, just watch it. Now.''

Ned sighed. ''I don't know how to work their DVD player.''

Cat snorted. ''Nice try! Seriously, Ned, a mysterious someone gives my husband a DVD and a note saying he has to watch it, now I am not a jealous type, but your trying to avoid that so much makes me a bit suspicious. Watch it. Now. While speaking to me on the phone.''

''All right, you can be so... I don't know, a Cat that makes Ned Stark tremble in his boots?''

She laughed. ''Exactly, so you'd better do as I say.''

Catelyn heard him move about. She was so intrigued by that note. Then her husband said: ''Oh! Ha! Okay...''

She thought she would die of curiosity. ''What is it?''

''It's nothing, my love, just a porn movie. Oh. Oh, my... Wow.''

''What?''

''Um, it's a, um, a gay porn movie.''

''A _gay_ porn?''

''Yes, I will turn it off.''

''Oh, no, don't. The note said you have to watch it till the end, did it not?''

But Ned was uncomfortable. ''Yes, it did, but I am _not_ going to sit here and watch a gay porn movie, or any porn movie for that matter... What if someone comes?''

Catelyn chuckled. ''Noone will come, Ned. Jon and Satin are thousands of miles away, and they'll only be back in two weeks. I still fail to see why they _had_ to go away on holiday so suddenly, right after you were back from your fishing trip. That is just beyond me. But anyway, you have to watch it till the end. Sit down, relax, and tell me all that is happening.''

Ned chuckled now. ''Oh, you are a naughty minx, Catelyn Stark!''

She laughed defensively. ''You know, I have never seen a gay porn in my life. I would really like to, actually.''

''I wouldn't.''

''Oh, don't be so uncomfortable about it, it's just sex. Tell me what's happening.''

Ned was hesitating. ''Well... There is this big guy...''

''Oh, a big guy? Hmmm, big like you?''

She could hear him chuckle. ''No, not like me.''

''Oh,'' she said, disappointed.

'' _Much_ bigger.''

''Oh!'' That sounded really promising. She continued: ''Tell me more. What does the big guy do?''

She could hear how uncomfortable Ned was, but he went on: ''Well, he is about to have sex with this smaller guy. He said so.''

Catelyn smiled. ''What did he say?''

She loved pushing Ned out of his comfort zone like this. She could so easily imagine him blushing when he said: ''Oh, baby, I am going to fuck your sweet little ass now, and you're gonna love it so much. My cock will rip you in two and then you'll suck it clean like a good little cock-sucker. Or something along these lines.''

Catelyn gasped and then giggled like a schoolgirl. ''Oh my! What next?''

But Ned just seemed too embarrassed. ''Catelyn, I am not sitting here watching gay porn. I have to go.''

She almost screamed: ''Eddard Stark, don't you dare! You sit back there, watch that movie and tell me every single thing that goes on. Or I'm not letting you back into the house.''

''Catelyn...''

''Tell me, what happens next?''

Ned sighed and mumbled: ''Well, he... fucks him. Hard. _Real_ hard.''

Catelyn lit another cigarette. ''Mmm, I like the sound of that. You will have to show me how hard when you come home.''

He smiled again. ''And I will... Oh, my, this is... Wow... Oh... It must... Oh my god...''

''What? What is it? Tell me!''

Ned said: ''This is savage! So... _brutal_. I don't know how this guy takes it.''

She scoffed. ''Ned, it's just fucking. How brutal can it get?''

He scoffed back. ''Very. Fucking. Brutal. I have never seen anything like this.''

She frowned. ''Is the smaller guy in pain? Is that non-consensual? ''

But he said: ''No. He _loves_ it.''

She relaxed. ''Oh, well, it's good then.''

''You don't understand, Catelyn, this is, I have no words, it's... No, you have to see it.''

Catelyn laughed. ''Oh, I really want to! We will watch it tonight when the kids go to bed. But tell me more.''

Ned was breathing hard. ''Well, this smaller guy, he is very slender, his skin is beautiful, and he is making these sounds, oh.''

''Ned? Are you masturbating?''

Silence.

''Eddard?''

Silence.

''Ned Stark! Tell me!''

''Yes.''

She laughed out loud. He was quick to explain. ''But this is unbelievable. I have never seen a better porn movie in my life.''

''Well, then we _must_ watch it together tonight. But don't stop talking. I want to know more about that pretty slender guy.''

He continued through ragged breaths: ''Well, he's really lean, quite sinewy, but delicate. You'd like him.''

''I'm sure I would. Go on''

''And what he does... Oh, oooh, baby, wow...''

''What does he do?''

''He... wiggles, and .... grinds... Oh, yes.''

''Tell me more. What does he look like?''

''I can't see his face yet, but his ass is amazing! He has a gorgeous body, you would really _really_ like him.''

''Oh, I can't wait to see it.''

Ned's breathing was now so ragged, she could tell he was really close, so she asked: ''What now?''

''Oh... yes, uh, now... the big guy... is about to...oh, yesss... he's about to come.... oh, yes.. he's pulling his hair to turn him around... oh, he will suck him now, yes... oh, oooooh. Yesss.''

''Tell me more Ned, don't stop. I want to know about the slender guy.''

''Oh, baby... oh... he, um... he sucks real well... oh, you would like him, so much, he looks like, um, I can't see well yet, the camera is a bit shaky, oh, I am gonna come, oh, baby... oh, yes, oh, you would like him, he... looks...aaah, he.... looks like....aaaaaaaa - Theon fucking Greyjoy!!!!!!'' And he hung up.

Catelyn lit another cigarette and though to herself: _He looks like Theon Greyjoy? Yes, I'd like him then. Oh, Ned, dear, you have no idea how much._

 

 

 


	4. We Do Not Twink!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 4 is Balon Greyjoy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was, actually, the first chapter that came to my mind when I picked up this prompt. I know it is not exactly funny as the previous ones, like there are no funny sentences or something, but the whole idea of what could happen to Balon upon seeing this seemed really hilarious to me. Maybe others don't find it funny at all, for obvious reasons, but I am twisted, and I really dislike Balon. He was only ok for being nice to Asha, but he was a total prick in everything else, so I am not sorry at all. Future chapters (Robb's and Asha's) will be normal, I promise :)  
> Let me know if you thought this was too horrible or not. I am actually really curious to see what people think about this.

Euron Greyjoy finished watching the movie and, apart from the small smile of satisfaction on his face, was still and silent. The satisfaction he felt was not sexual. The movie, albeit one of the best porn movies he saw, was too... consensual. His little nephew _enjoyed_. And Euron Greyjoy did not just get off on people enjoying themselves so much while being fucked. His passions ran darker than that. _Much_ darker.

He looked again at the note on his desk. _Why, thank you, mysterious sender._ Then he wondered about his brother's reaction when he sees this, as he was certain Balon must have received this as well. But Euron knew his brother well. Balon would never just obey a mysterious note telling him he had to see something, and also till the end. Euron will have to make sure that he does. He waved his head and snorted to himself as he picked up the phone and dialled a number he had not called in ages.

''Balon? My dear brother! So good to hear your voice again.''

''What do _you_ want?'' Oh, he was such a gruff man, his older brother, so mean and spiteful. So very... predictable.

''Did you receive my gift?'' He asked, hoping he was right in his guess that the mystery person sent the same thing to Balon as well.

''What gift?'' Balon barked.

''Oh, just a little something I sent you - a DVD, and a little note?''

Balon sounded surprised. '' _You_ sent that?'' _BINGO!_

''Yes, I did.'' Euron lied.

''Well, if I ever had doubts whether to watch it, now I know for sure I will not.'' He didn't see it, just as Euron guessed.

''Oh, Balon, dear brother, you wound me. It is a present, my gift to you.''

''All your gifts are poisoned. The smartest thing Victarion ever said.''

He chuckled. ''That sour prick? He still holds grudge against me over that little cunt of his? God, some people never really move on. Anyway, I'm coming over. See you soon.'' Euron hung up before Balon had a chance to say anything.

After he parked his car, Euron cursed to see that the rain that had started falling when he left the house was now becoming a bloody downpour. He still walked rather slowly towards his brother's boat-house. Euron Greyjoy never ran, that was not his style. The platform that led to Balon's floating home was shaky in the wind, but Euron stepped onto in confidently - Euron Greyjoy never fell.

Balon let him in with a frown. They didn't hug or shake hands. Euron sat on a sofa and smiled. ''Yes, I would like a drink, thank you very much.''

Balon scoffed. ''You were not offered a drink. And you're making my sofa wet.''

Euron sighed. ''It _is_ pouring outside, I trust you have noticed. Now, don't be a prick, Balon, give your little brother a beer.''

Balon walked to the fridge, took out two cans and threw one Euron's way. Euron caught it with one hand, opened it and took a long sip. He licked his lips and asked: ''How have you been? How are your children? I saw that little daughter of yours recently and I must tell you, she looks, well, how to put this and not offend you... I'd feed her my cock in a snap.''

Balon never even flinched. ''If you think you will manage to provoke me, think again. And I dare you to say that in front of Asha - you, my brother, will have a cock no more.''

Was that a flicker of pride Euron caught in his brother's tone? He laughed. ''Hmm, yes, Asha, that was her name. And what about that son you have? The one that's not dead?''

''Theon? What about him?'' Balon's tone was flat now, no emotion whatsoever, certainly no pride. _So, it is the girl he prefers. Damn, it would have been better if it was her video, but still, it will do - Balon Greyjoy's only living son, taking it up the ass._

Euron said: ''Nothing, I just forgot his name. Play that DVD, Balon, there is something you _have_ to see.''

But Balon frowned and did nothing. Euron sighed and stood up, took the DVD from the little coffee table and put it into a player. Then he sat back and pressed _play_.

The cock appeared on the screen and Balon raised his eyebrows and looked at his brother with an unspoken question. 

Euron smiled. ''Don't watch me, brother, watch the movie.''

When the cute butt showed up and the big guy said ''Oh, baby, I am going to fuck your sweet little ass now, and you're gonna love it so much. My cock will rip you in two and then you'll suck it clean like a good little cock-sucker'' and then pushed the cock up that sweet little ass that wiggled and said ''Oh, yes, fuck me, yes, just like that'', Balon understood it was two guys fucking and he snorted dismissively. ''Is this what I have to see? Some fucking fag taking it up the ass?''

Euron said: ''Patience, brother, you have to watch it till the end.'' _Did Balon just say fag? Oh, this will be better than I hoped._

They sat in silence for a while. Euron was observing his brother and was pleased to discover that the movie managed to suck him in. It was understandable, after all, as that had to be one of the best porn movies ever. But Balon was a difficult and spiteful creature, and just as Euron knew he had disregarded the note and the DVD and would never played it if he didn't make him, he also knew his brother could get up and stop the movie any second, just to piss Euron off. So he was thrilled to see that Balon actually watched it. Even better, he saw him shift uncomfortably in his chair and sure enough, there was a visible boner his brother was now rapidly developing. _This will be priceless. Thank you, mysterious sender, this is the best thing I have ever received in my life._

Euron pretended he too was watching the movie, he wouldn't want to make his brother feel uncomfortable, and he could hardly restrain himself from laughing out loud when he saw Balon put his hand in his pocket, shifting some more.

 _Oh, yes, dear brother,_ Euron thought, _rub yourself like that, while watching your son, your only living son, your fucking heir, get ass-fucked like a common slut._ Well, Euron was sure that after this, it will probably be the girl who will be named Balon's heir.

The fucking in the movie intensified, and so did Balon's rubbing. Euron was quiet, waiting. When the ass-fucked body on the screen moved to reveal the kraken tattoo on the left side of his ribcage, Euron chuckled. ''See that?'' 

But Balon only snorted. ''So what? Fucking fag has a squid tattoo.''

''It's not a squid. It's a kraken. You should know.''

Balon snapped. ''It is a fucking squid if I say so! God, it is so like you to belittle our family, _your_ family, like this. It is a fucking squid, don't you even dare to use the words _fag_ and _kraken_ in the same fucking sentence. Now, shut up and let me watch the movie.''

_So, Balon does not know his son has a tattoo. Oh, well, another thing he will find out soon. Though that might not be his main concern once he does._

Balon was now not even trying to conceal the fact that he was jerking off - that meant he was close. Luckily, the end was too. He was breathing hard, not taking his eyes off the screen. Then, just as his breathing intensified the guy in the movie pulled the little twink by the hair roughly turning him around to push his cock down his throat. Balon moaned. He was coming.

Then the little _''fag''_ , as his brother put it, looked at the camera and Balon screamed through his agonizing orgasm: ''Fucking hell!!!! Theon!!????''

The look on his face was priceless. There was horror, and shock, and disgust and _pain_. Euron, however, was euphoric. He chuckled. ''What a fucking fag. But a really nice tattoo. He fucks so well, though. Sucks too. I would actually rather feed _him_ my cock than the girl. But if it runs in the family, they can both dine on it before I fuck their sweet asses, after all, brothers and sisters should share, right?''

Balon was foaming. ''You fucking prick! You fucking bastard! I will fucking kill you now!'' But as he stood up, the look of sudden agonizing pain hit his face and his hand reached for his chest.

Euron was still sitting.

Balon gasped. ''Aaah. I think... I.... need.... air.'' He stumbled towards the door.

Euron was still sitting, but he said: ''You are over-reacting.''

Balon was gurgling as he opened the door and stepped out into the storm.

Euron stood up with a sigh and followed him. He saw Balon stagger on the little platform that shook under the power of wind, waves hitting him repeatedly. He was still clutching his hand to his chest.

_He's having a heart-attack! Oh, this indeed is better than I could ever have hoped!_

Balon looked up into the dark stormy sky, opened his mouth to say something, but no words came out. He fell off the platform to the raging sea below and was dead even before he hit the water.

Euron went back inside, took the DVD and the note with him and left. _Well,_ he thought _, that little platform was so wobbly and unstable, I am surprised how he never fell off it before, even without a heart-attack, or a storm._ He started his car and drove away into the night.


	5. The Twinker of My Eye

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 5 is Robb Stark.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I'm back after the long weekend. And back to a bit more light-hearted approach (except that Jeyne is really pissed). Hope you, nice people, like it.

Robb was still on the phone with Jeyne when he entered his flat. She was telling him about this girl that worked with her and how much she annoyed her, and that girl really did sound quite annoying so he was very understanding, but also wished he didn't have to listen about her anymore. He went through his mail absentmindedly: bills, commercial offers, postcard Jon and Satin sent from Bali and an envelope from an unknown sender. It appeared to have something inside other than just paper, so Robb shook it, and yes, there was something there. He opened it and a DVD fell out, next to it a small typed note saying _You have to see this, please watch till the end._

''... and she is just like that all the time, I really can't stand her. Do you think she did that on purpose?''

''Uh, yes... yes, she sounds horrible. I am so sorry to hear she pissed you off that much.''

''Oh, Robb,'' Jeyne's voice was so sweet now. ''You are so nice and understanding. I can't wait for this weekend!''

Robb smiled. She was moving in with him this Saturday and he was also very happy about that. ''Me too, baby. Just few more days, and I'll have you with me all the time. But you know, we Starks have this one rule - at home, we never wear any clothes, like, never. It's like a family tradition, so you will have to abide by it once you move in.''

Jeyne laughed. ''I can do that. But you see, us Westerlings, or more specifically, _I,_ I also have this one rule - we tend to see Theon Greyjoy as little as possible, because we like our partners to spend most of their time with us and not their stupid clingy friend. So you will also have to abide by that - we need less Theon Greyjoy in our relationship, Robb.''

Robb frowned. ''Oh, Jeyne, don't be like that. He is my best friend. Even more, he is almost a brother.''

''Jon is a brother, and you don't see him half as much as you see Theon. I honestly don't mind you guys being friends, but it feels like both Theon and I are in a relationship with you. If I didn't know for sure you're straight, I would have thought you were madly in love with him.''

Robb knew she might have a point, as he did spend a lot of time with Theon, but they were really very close ever since they were children. He knew he sometimes placed Jeyne second, but Theon was always such an important part of his life. He said: ''Baby, don't be jealous, you know how close we are, and besides, he is now having a real hard time. You know his father died.''

''I know, Robb,'' she said. ''But Theon doesn't seem bothered about it at all. In fact he even said he was glad he'll never have to see the old man again. He seems quite pleased.''

Robb sighed. ''It is just his way of dealing with pain. He needs comfort now. So I wanted to tell you, he will be spending the night here, I asked him to drop by for a few beers after work. And you and I can go see that movie you wanted tomorrow.''

Jeyne was silent, so Robb said: ''Jeyne? Baby? Is that ok? To postpone our date for tomorrow? Theon is really hurting, I think he needs a friend now. Besides, after this Saturday we'll be together all the time.''

Jeyne finally spoke: ''Robb, only because Theon's father died, I will not break up with you right now, as I know how it would seem to everyone. But I _know_ Theon gives _fuck all_ for his father being dead and I _promise_ you this is the _last fucking time_ you have put Theon fucking Greyjoy before me and my needs. I will see you tomorrow. Pick me up at 7.'' And she hung up.

Robb put the phone back to his pocket and took that DVD with a note again. He wondered who is it from. _Should I watch it now, or maybe wait for Theon to come and then watch it together with him?_ Theon should be here in about an hour. But Robb was really curious, so he decided to watch it now and maybe if it's something cool, they can watch it again once Theon comes.

He put the DVD in his laptop and went to his bed to lie down, he was feeling tired, maybe he'd also take a nap before Theon shows up.

When the movie started, Robb laughed. _Oh, someone sent me a porn movie! Theon will think this is hilarious!_

But there were two guys there, one with huge cock and the other really cute and slender with an amazing butt. _Oh, a threesome then, but why don't they show the girl? I hope she's as cute as this guy_. But then the big guy said: ''Oh, baby, I am going to fuck your sweet little ass now, and you're gonna love it so much. My cock will rip you in two and then you'll suck it clean like a good little cock-sucker.'' And he pushed the cock up that sweet little ass that wiggled and the cute guy said: ''Oh, yes, fuck me, yes, just like that.'' Robb realized it's a gay porn. He had never seen a gay porn before. _Who sent me this? And why? I'll just watch it before Theon comes. Besides, the note said I had to watch it till the end._

Robb relaxed, watching. He was surprised to see that it was actually really good. The big guy was fucking that cutie so hard, and he was so big, it was really amazing how he didn't tear. But the cute guy enjoyed it so much. Robb felt himself becoming hard and he was not sure how to feel about it. It was ok, he guessed, as it was porn, but it was a gay porn and it was maybe awkward to get an erection watching it. He wished he could talk to someone about it. Get some reassurance. Jon was out of the question because he was gay and of course he would get a boner watching this. No, he would need to talk to a straight guy. He would have to show it to Theon when he comes and see if he also would find it arousing.

Robb suddenly realized that the movie cutie actually looked a bit like Jeyne, the hair colour was the same, maybe Jeyne's hair was somewhat longer, but he had already almost convinced her to cut it a bit shorter, so this is basically what she would look like with slightly shorter hair. _Yes! That is it! That's why I'm hard, the cute guy looks almost like Jeyne, well, from behind._ That thought seemed to have given his hard cock an absolution so he didn't feel weird at all when he started rubbing himself.

And the fucking was so good, Robb wished he could fuck Jeyne like that, up her ass. He had almost convinced her to do that too. It was just a matter of time before she allows it. _Maybe it was Jeyne, actually, who sent me this. To tell me she will let me do that once she moves in. Yes! That was it!_

He was so hard, he couldn't remember when was the last time he was so turned on. He was stroking his cock frantically, watching the movie all the while.

Then the cute guy moved a bit to the side and Robb saw he had a kraken tattoo on the left side of his ribcage. That tattoo was so awesome! Theon had one just like that, and when Jeyne decided to have some seashells or something tattooed on her shoulder blade Robb suggested that she could also do a kraken cause it was much cooler than a seashell. But Jeyne got angry and they had a fight. She said she didn't want to have the same tattoo as Theon, but maybe if she sees now that it's not only Theon and that they are really popular and cool, maybe she changes her mind and chooses a kraken over a seashell. It would be so awesome! Then Robb would also get a kraken tattoo, like his best friend and his girlfriend. It would really be the best!

He was now really close to his orgasm and the fucking on screen was so intense now he almost felt sorry for the cute guy there, but he was taking it like a pro, and enjoyed it too. This had to be the best porn Robb had ever seen.

The big guy pulled out and yanked the cutie by the hair to turn him around so he could suck him. Robb tensed, he was so fucking close. The cute guy was actually really cute, and he really looked like Jeyne, very similar features, high cheekbones, long dark eyelashes, full lips, Robb was about to come so fucking hard. Then the cute guy looked up at the camera and Robb saw that he also had the same blue eyes like Jeyne, only - it wasn't Jeyne. It was Theon Greyjoy. Robb moaned through his orgasm: ''Theeeeeeoooonnnnn,'' then closed his eyes, breathing hard and wondering how he never noticed Jeyne looked so much like Theon. Because she did. So. Fucking. Much.

What Robb realized at that moment shocked him even more than seeing Theon in a gay porn. He lay there on his bed and thought about it for a looooong time. Then he picked up his phone.

''Yes, Robb?''

''Jeyne? I, um.... about this, um... we... we need to talk.''

''About what?''

He sighed, this was not going to be easy. ''About everything.... About us.''

Then the doorbell rang. _Theon._ Robb stood up and went for the door.

''Robb? Are you ok?''

''I am, Jeyne. I really am, very much ok. But we can't go see that movie tomorrow. Or ever, really. I have to go now, but we will talk. We must.''

''Robb, what the fuck are you talking about?'' She was pissed.

''I am sorry, I will call you tomorrow and explain. I have to go now.'' And he hung up and switched the phone off.

He threw a quick glance to the mirror, checking his appearance. Then he bit on his lip and opened the door for Theon.


	6. You Twink or You Die

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 6 is Asha Greyjoy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have to say I LOVE Asha so fucking much! Qarl is SO fucked! Lucky bastard!  
> I hope you, people, like this chapter :)

Asha Greyjoy was sitting on a sofa, chain-smoking her evening away. Her father made a mess when he died. She couldn't believe he didn't have a will prepared. Or, in a strange way, she could. It must have been hard for him to just name her an heir to the family '' _business_ '' - for a woman, hell, a fucking _girl_ to be the boss of everything, it was unprecedented in the history of, well, their family '' _business_ ''. But he also didn't want to choose Theon, she knew that. So Balon Greyjoy did nothing, hoping things would solve themselves, probably never thinking his death would come so soon and unexpected.

She loved her brother dearly, she would never wish to take anything away from him, but Theon, dear sweet Theon, was a mess. He never really cared about Balon and his work. Okay, it might have been Balon's fault, probably was, but still, Theon just seemed to be trying to fuck as many girls as possible, get absolutely wasted as often as possible, and do as many stupid things possible as many times he could. Him inheriting everything would be a disaster. She had to step in, and she was sure Theon wounld't mind and would even support her. She knew she could also count on support of many associates, but she was a woman, and she knew her uncles would never hesitate to use that fact against her. So Asha sat, smoked and span strategies in her head like mad. This would be a battle she was not willing to lose, or in fact, a battle she could not afford to lose.

The doorbell rang and Asha rolled her eyes and shouted: ''Go away, Qarl, I am busy.''

But he started pounding on the door with his fists and she heard him shout back: ''I am not leaving, so you'd better open the door before your neighbours call the cops! Come on, baby, let me in.''

He was a persistent prick, she knew, but also quite pretty, and a really good fuck. Asha liked pretty boys. It might not be such a bad idea to let him in and fuck him silly just to forget all this mess for a little while. Yes, forget everything except Qarl's beautiful cock shoved deep inside her. She stood up and went to the door.

Qarl came inside, theatrically stepping over the large pile of mail, gave her his cute crooked smile and winked. ''Hey, baby.''

She pulled him into a kiss and said: ''Make yourself useful and go through this mail, see if there's anything I need to read, while I get us some drinks.''

Once they were both in the living room Qarl reported: ''You've got bills, I'll take them to get paid. You've got, like, tons of condolence letters and notes, wanna read them?''

''Nah.'' She waved her head. ''They depress me. You read them - not now though - and note who sent them, who said what and all that shit, and then respond in appropriate manner. What else?''

He was holding a DVD in his hands. ''This. It came with a note _You have to see this, please watch till the end.''_

Asha frowned. ''Who is it from?''

''Doesn't say.''

''Throw it away.''

But Qarl seemed intrigued. ''Oh, come on. Don't you wanna know what it is?''

Asha shrugged. ''No.''

He stood up and put the disk into the DVD player, laughing. ''You know, I thought I'll just come here and fuck the shit out of you, but now I regret not picking up pizza on my way here, we could have had a proper dinner and a movie date.''

She snorted. ''I'll only watch it if it's porn. And the only thing I want to eat right now more than your pretty cock is your pretty ass.''

When the big cock appeared on screen, Qarl laughed some more. ''Your lucky night! Now, the movie taken care of, on what would you rather feast first?''

Asha gave him her glass and said: ''Hard choice. Go get me another drink while I try make that decision.''

When Qarl left to get her more whiskey, she smiled. Yes, this was going to be a very good night. Just what she needed. But who the hell sent her a porn movie? Not that she objected. She simply wondered. _Well, whoever the fuck it was, thank you very much._

Qarl was back at the same moment another body, more slender with skin more soft and the cutest butt Asha had ever seen, appeared on the screen. Then the big cock guy said: ''Oh, baby, I am going to fuck your sweet little ass now, and you're gonna love it so much. My cock will rip you in two and then you'll suck it clean like a good little cock-sucker.'' Then he pushed that impossibly huge cock up that cute little ass, and the cute ass wiggled and its owner said: ''Oh, yes, fuck me, yes, just like that.''

It was a gay porn! _Fucking jack-pot!_ Asha never watched a lot of porn, but she did like seeing good boy-on-boy action now and then. It was her dirty little secret, getting off on guys being ass-fucked. Qarl didn't know about it, noone did. It was none of their business, really.

Qarl bit his lips and frowned, looking at the screen. ''Okay... I think we've seen enough. Dinner time, baby!'' And he started unbuttoning his jeans with one hand while the other reached for the remote. 

But Asha gave him a menacing look and hissed: ''Your hand touches that remote - you lose your hand. Now, shut the fuck up and sit down.''

Qarl knew her well enough to know he should do as he's told. He was a good boy, when she wanted him to be. Asha liked her boys both good and bad, as long as they were pretty. Qarl was pretty, very much so. As was that little twink in the movie. He was really fucking cute. She could only see his back, but he had the cutest little butt and beautiful skin, soft dark hair, and he was making those sweet moaning noises as he was being fucked so hard, Asha was dripping wet to see it. And the big guy fucked him really horribly hard. But he liked it, dirty little thing, he liked it so much. He was begging to be fucked even harder, but Asha doubted harder than that was possible.

She saw Qarl, who was a bit insulted at first, relaxing and getting more consumed by the movie. There was an unmistakable bulge in his pants, Asha smirked. She unzipped her trousers and put her hand to her clit. She pinched it a little at first and then her fingers went further down, spreading her lips apart slightly, she was so fucking wet. She pushed her finger deep inside her and then brought it to Qarl's mouth for him to suck. He slurped greedily, but she pulled it back quickly and took it to her clit again. She kicked her trousers away, they were too much in the way and pulled her panties to the side. Qarl turned to grab her, but one look from her made him change his mind, so he stayed sitting next to her, not being sure if he should watch the movie or her masturbate.

Asha lifted her legs to the sofa, spreading her knees apart. She pushed two fingers of one hand inside her, delighting in the warm and wet feel of her cunt, while the other hand rubbed her clit slowly.

The movie was so good. She had never seen a better one in her life. The cute slender guy was so hot, he was fucking like mad, impaling himself on that monstrous cock, moaning and grinding, trying to meet the big guy's thrusts. Asha wished she was the big guy, she wished she had a huge cock and fuck that little twink with it until he fucking faints.

When the cutie shifted a bit, they could see he had a kraken tattoo on the left side of his ribcage. Qarl looked at her. ''Is that a kraken?''

But she growled something back at him and he shut up. She was getting close. That wave was coming, and she was ready to tackle it. She was squeezing her clit between her thumb and forefinger, rubbing it, pulling it so hard, squeezing the gentle skin until it fucking hurt, but it was so good, fingers of her other hand in her pussy, filling her up. The big guy pulled the cutie by his hair turning him around and he shoved his cock down his throat. Asha started moaning, the wave was there, and it was still rising, a fucking tsunami.

The little twink was really cute, she could tell he was just her type, even though the camera was shaky and the image bit blurry. Her moaning intensified, the wave hit her, and Asha hit it back, screaming. The cutie looked up at the camera and those pretty blue eyes seemed to be looking at her directly, smiling, _knowing._ But what the fuck did it matter? Asha Greyjoy was having the best fucking orgasm of her life, and if that wave was caused by her little brother, she couldn't care less - she was gonna ride it like she stole it.

After she stopped screaming, she took her hands to her lips and licked and sucked her juices off her fingers. Qarl moaned upon seeing her do that. He was so hard. Asha said: ''That was the best fucking porn I have ever seen in my life!''

Qarl smiled, but he was still confused. ''Asha, you know who that was, right?''

She laughed. ''Don't fucking care. It was still the best fucking porn I've seen. And we're watching it again.''

Qarl was chuckling too now. ''You are so ... dirty. Come, baby, my turn now.'' His hands grabbed her pulling her on top of him. 

But Asha stood up. ''Qarl, how turned on are you now?''

''A lot.''

''On a scale of one to ten?''

''One... hundred.''

Asha laughed. This was really good. She said: ''I am so happy to hear that, that means you'll do this one errand I'll send you to _real_ fast.''

He was now puzzled, and a tiny bit frustrated. ''What the fuck? What fucking errand?''

Asha smiled her most wicked smile. ''You will go to whatever sex-shop is open at this hour, and you will buy me a strap-on, but a big one. Really. Fucking. Big. And a large package of lube. Then we watch the movie some more. And if you keep me waiting for too long, I won't even bother lubing you up.''


	7. I Twink Therefore I Am

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 7 - the twink himself - Theon fucking Greyjoy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I also love Theon, he is a darling. He needs love too, so I've given him, plenty :)  
> This is an epilogue, and I hope you all enjoyed this story. Thank you all so much for reading it, liking it, and leaving kudos and comments (don't stop!). To see all that makes me really happy.  
> And also, a huge thanks to the Anon who posted this fantastic prompt - I can't remember when was the last time I had so much fun writing stuff. You are a genius, Anon OP, and I hope this went how you expected and that you didn't end up all disappointed. Also I hope you post more brilliant prompts :)

Theon Greyjoy woke up late. He stayed in bed doing nothing until he really had to piss and could not hold it anymore. Then he lazily stumbled to the toilet and quickly went back to bed, grabbing some food on his way back. He was going to have a super lazy day today. Until Robb comes home at least. Then they will have to go to this Starks' dinner thing, which was okay really, as the Starks felt like a family to him much more than the Greyjoys. Except for his sister, Asha. Yes, she was okay. Theon was so grateful she offered to take on herself all that family business shit, as he really couldn't be arsed. Besides, she knew a lot more about it than he ever did, or cared to learn. And she was tough enough to handle those sharks of their uncles. Theon couldn't be arsed about that either, he would have probably stayed out of it and let them do what they wished. But he supported Asha, as she was a much better option - he really loved his sister, _plus_ she was quite generous with his allowance, a lot more than their father ever was, _stingy bastard_ , and he doubted he would have seen a penny if one of his uncles took over. So, his father dying and Asha being in charge was fantastic.

He should probably give her a call, see how she's doing. It's been a while since they last met, she was so busy with all that work. But when he called, he only managed to get through to Qarl, her assistant. She was at some meeting or something. It was so like Asha to not only have a guy for an assistant but to fuck him too. He was really good looking, though, so Theon couldn't blame her, really. And Qarl was so whipped, that wasn't even funny. Or, it was, actually, cause Theon laughed every time he thought about it. She was bossing him around so much, and he was just too happy to do stuff for her, amazing really. Anyway, Qarl said he would check her calendar and then book a dinner for them one evening next week. For all four of them, yes.

Theon wondered if Asha was also one of the recipients of his little video. She must have been. _That stupid bastard Snow sent it out to everyone._ But she never said anything. Qarl did give him some funny looks, but Asha was as cool as ever, you'd never guess what she knew. It didn't matter, really.

Theon was first so furious to find out that all those people who knew him have seen his video. He was shocked, and even embarrassed a bit, but overall he was just so angry that the fucking bastard sent those copies out to everyone who knew him. Okay, it took a while to figure out it was Snow who did it. Few days, really, right after Snow and his boyfriend came back from their holiday and found out about him and Robb, Snow lost it, and in a fit of rage he admitted everything. Then Theon lost it and thought he would kill him. And surely, if Robb hadn't been there Jon and him would have killed each other. But Robb, of course, prevented it. He was actually the only one in that moment to find it funny. He wasn't at all angry with Jon for being such a prick. In fact, he later explained to Theon he was grateful, as that video was what brought the two of them together. And he was right.

When Theon came to see Robb that evening, Robb was so flustered. His hands were shaking, his knees were also shaking, even his voice was shaking. He was a mess. Theon of course had no idea why. Then he said he and Jeyne broke up, and Theon thought the stupid bitch left him and he was all fucked up about it, but when Robb slammed him against the wall and pushed his tongue down his throat, Theon happily surrendered to Robb's urgent yearning and stopped thinking about Jeyne, except maybe secretly thanking her if she was the cause for such Robb's behaviour.

After the entire night of the most amazing, albeit a bit clumsy (as it was Robb's first time with a guy - he had a lot to learn), sex ever, Robb called in sick and stayed home with Theon. Then he showed him the video. Considering how they spent that night and all the stuff they did, it would be strange to feel embarrassed about it, so Theon didn't. He even thought it was hilarious. But after about a week, when he had already moved in with Robb and everyone found out they were together, stupid Snow comes back from his stupid holiday and Theon finds out it was not just Robb who had seen it, but, like, everyone he has ever known. He thought he would die with embarrassment, and he really wished he could kill Snow in the most horrible gruesome way possible.

But after he calmed down a bit, Theon realized several things. First, Snow's stupid wicked plan to ruin his life backfired spectacularly. It was fucking brilliant that Snow sent that video out to everyone, because everyone also means Robb, so yes, it was real fucking good Robb had seen it. Second, now everyone, but literally _everyone_ knows Theon is such an awesome fuck. And everyone also means Snow. So, yes, it makes Theon insanely happy to know Snow knows just how he and his precious brother fuck. And he knows Snow must have jerked off watching that video, because, seriously, who wouldn't? So he knows that Snow, although he hates him so fucking much, he also totally has the hots for him now too. That is also quite obvious from the way that little firecracker Snow's dating ( _a cute little thing if there ever was one_ ), Satin ( _what a name, really_ ) glares at Theon all the fucking time, like he is so fucking jealous. That leads to the third brilliant thing, which is Snow avoiding Theon as much as possible, to keep Satin happy, so they only see them very seldom. And that means he doesn't have to share Robb with Snow anymore, not as much as had to before - Theon now has Robb all for himself. And if everyone he ever knew had to see him taking a cock up his ass for Theon now to have Robb all for himself (and drive Snow mad, too) - that was a small price to pay. A bargain, really. Theon Greyjoy was the happiest he has ever been. Life was good. So. Fucking. Good.


End file.
